Dear Former Colleagues,
I know getting laid off was rough on all of us, but I really think I got it the worst. At least they let humans collect unemployment, so you didn’t have to move in with that idiot you called an editor. What kind of sick @#$% forces a hamster to live under the same roof as a dog whose ancestors were bred for decades to kill rodents? This is a violation of the Geneva Conventions.
Being the professional that I am, I continue to represent teh Qte, even under duress.
And I would like to extend a heartfelt congratulations to Schulte, Sara, Tim, and Barnard, who were hired to downtown positions this week. Rock ON! The rest of you: Paws up! I’m looking forward to congratulating you on some exciting new jobs here in the not-too-distant future.
Gertie has a bad feeling about that bitch in the papasan behind her …
… and the stress is driving her to drink.
(A note to readers: Gertrude the black bear hamster was our office pet at the Southside/Westside office. We hired her in January to make the staff smile — a job at which she was very effective. In the wake of last week’s layoffs, Gertie cashed in her 401K and took early retirement, but she has graciously agreed to do some freelance morale-boosting here at Red Fork State of Mind until all of her former colleagues find new jobs.)
BTW, Gertie’s landlady is quoted extensively in the current issue of Urban Tulsa Weekly. You can read about it here.